I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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