now i know why i became what i already was.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
