In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
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She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
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Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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