I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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