Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
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This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
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I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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