The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
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We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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