I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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