i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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