I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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