her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
