He had one of those small greek statue penises
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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