Is it normal to miss your booty call?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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