dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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