laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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