I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
