maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
