is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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