Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
