Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
