I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
