i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
