Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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