Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Randomize
