remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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