How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
