I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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