That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
