He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
as a side note pls kill me
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
