i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Randomize