How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
