i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
