We named our party play list daddy issues
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
