im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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