with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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