Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
