I want to make a zoo with you.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Randomize
