You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Randomize
