I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
