i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Randomize
