I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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