some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
love makes seman taste better
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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