my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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