Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
