I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
