what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Damn victory sex feels great
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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