he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
