Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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