Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
you never un-have a 4some
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
