She is in my trunk
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
FUCK WHALES
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
