You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
