Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
