I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
