Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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