I'm eating all of the evidence.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
