I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's just like the Real World with babies
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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