I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
