i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
