I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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