I'm lost and stupid without you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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