you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
