Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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