I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
