why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
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