dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
