It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
