hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
me + whiskey = a bad person
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
