So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
