That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
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what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
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How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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