im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
