Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i now understand why vodka
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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