is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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