it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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