I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
