The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
smell my finger.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
