There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
